Today is bread day on the Reintroduction schedule. I’ve been thinking about what to eat today since Sunday when I did the dairy test. I really haven’t been able to think of anything that I want. My body is still a bit messed up from the dairy; it hurts to touch my knees again. It’s not as terrible as pre-Whole30 but I can see how it would quickly become so if I were to keep eating dairy. As for bread, the truth is, I already know what eating gluten-grains does to me. I went almost all of last year doing non-gluten and whenever I would eat gluten, Oh how I paid for it. It seems now I realize that the reason going gluten-free didn’t totally rid me of my pain and other issues is because it was gluten AND dairy that were causing them.
So, there will be no Reintroduction of gluten.
But then last night, hubs and I had dessert. I had a slice of chocolate cake. I had decided yesterday that I wasn’t going to do a reintroduction day for bread or a separate day for oils. I decided that I am going to be ‘off Whole30’ until I return from my trip and then do another true Whole30 once I get back. This isn’t me going back to old eating. I will still avoid bread and dairy if at all possible and make the healthiest choices I can at meals but I know there has to be a balance in life between eating healthy and actually being able to function and enjoy life.
And thus the chocolate cake last night. I ate it because I wanted to. I’m not sorry I ate it but it wasn’t worth it. I felt lousy shortly afterwards and looking back I think the choice to have cake instead of a sweet fruit has more to do with my stressing over what I can eat on my trip than any craving for chocolate I may have had.
I don’t want to go to Paris and have to police every bite of food I put in my mouth.
And there’s the truth of it.
Want another truth?
I ache all over this morning. Elbows, shoulders, hips, knees are all stiff and sore because I added gluten and sugar to joints already sore from the dairy. I may not like that truth, but there it is.
For lack of a better diagnosis, my body is allergic to gluten and dairy. My major symptoms are painful, stiff, swollen joints and gastric distress. My minor symptoms are too many to list but include insomnia, fatigue, headache, and irritability.
I’d like to think I have enough control over food at this point to enjoy myself on my trip and even if the sugar demon or some other food beast takes over for a bit, enough to be able to come back home and go back on a Whole30. I’m also pretty sure I’m not going to get to the point where I lose that control because I don’t want to be in pain. That alone should be enough to keep me choosing a healthier alternative when presented with one.
The point of going ‘off Whole30’ isn’t so I can eat whatever I want for the next few weeks, it’s so that I can give myself a break. Stressing over what I’m going to do about eating and not being in pain on my trip is causing me to crave the unhealthy foods I should be avoiding.
I shouldn’t have eaten the chocolate cake and I wish I hadn’t. Or I wish I had stopped after one bite. But I didn’t. I don’t feel guilty. I’m not beating myself up over it. Instead, I choose to use it as a learning tool. It was one more step in learning how to recognize the difference between physical and mental cravings and knowing what causes each.
Today I am craving vegetables. I know it’s both mental and physical. Physical because I’ve been lax on my veggies the last few days and mental because I feel unclean from eating the cake days after eating the dairy (and ice cream). I feel polluted.
The last, what…almost 70 days (WHOA, really??) has been a great learning experience for me. I’m glad I journaled it all here. I know I’ll come back to this now and then to remind myself of where I was. For now, though, it’s time to take a step back from Whole30 blogging. I’ll still share significant moments but eating this way has become so much a part of my life now, blogging about if feels a lot like getting on here and telling the world how many loads of laundry or dishes I did each day!
I plan to weigh this Sunday and then again on the Sunday after I get back (I’ll be sure to post pics). I’m doing so to have a measure of what the choices I make while on the trip have resulted in. And then of course, the weigh-in when I get back will be the kick-off to my second true Whole30. I love that my idea of a ‘diet’ now is a slightly more deliberate version of my normal eating!
Now, it’s off to work and then the next few days will be filled with some serious tackling of the pre-departure checklist!