Yesterday was not the best of days. In fact, a great deal of crying took place. I can’t say that any one thing happened and honestly the constant urge to “cry at the drop of a hat” took my quite by surprise.
I haven’t felt the greatest the last few days. My appetite is gone and I’ve been feeling tired and generally lousy. I know I’ve been struggling to eat enough and figured it was due to that. I hopped over to the Whole30 forum to get advice on what may be causing it and they were helpful but I think today showed me my issue pretty clearly.
Stress. And hidden stress at that. Honestly, I didn’t realize how stressed out I am with so many papers and projects due and finals coming up and revival commitments at church this week and the all-important interpreting exam on Monday. Not to mention less than a month until I head off to France and in the midst of all of this I still have teenagers in the house (need I say more?)
So today, my stomach just ached all day and that kind of made me aware that “hey, maybe you’re a bit more stressed than you realize”. But then the sudden burst of tears over a minor thing confirmed it. No maybe about it.
It was one of those days where I struggled all day. As someone trying to learn a new language, not understanding what is being said isn’t unusual. But today it seemed like I understood so much less than normal and I had a handful of professors telling me all the things I was doing wrong. All at once.
It’s almost an hour drive from campus to my house and I cried the entire way home. My God-sent, amazing husband was waiting for me at the door and I literally fell into his arms and cried. Being held by the man you love when you’re falling apart is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Just sayin’.
I wish I could say the crying helped and that I’m less stressed, but that would be a lie. The good news, is that now I am aware of it and so now I can work to get through it. It’s kind of scary that it got so bad unnoticed. I’ve been spending so much time enjoying how awesome I feel with my new eating habits that I didn’t notice or recognize that I was stressed to the point of tears. I don’t cry easily. (Unless I’m exhausted and then anything and everything makes me cry).
I knew my body so much better pre-Whole30. At the same stress level then, I’d have not only been aware of it much sooner, I would have been suffering headaches and fatigue and massive irritableness for weeks before it got bad enough for me to cry. And once I started crying, minor depression, sometimes for weeks was inevitable.
It took me getting to my crying-point to even start seeing those symptoms now and no sign of depression anywhere on the horizon. I may have known my pre-Whole30 self much better, but I definitely like the After Whole30 me so much more!