Overload and Introspection

I got to hang out with my ASL group twice this week which was a lot of fun. And utterly overwhelming. My ‘learn things really fast’ nature has reached it’s limit with ASL and that became very clear to me this week. I felt completely lost as to what was going on most of the time, couldn’t keep up with what I was trying to say, totally screwed up each and every time I tried to fingerspell anything and generally just felt like an imbecilic bump on a log through most of our time together.

Talk about ego deflation.

This moment was bound to come and it’s no surprise that it showed up after a week of me not practicing. At. All. Yup. And one week was all it took to pull the rug out from under me. Usually, this type of set back would turn into an opportunity for self-sabotage for me. All my personal demons would start screaming into my ear all the reasons in the world why this wasn’t going to work or why I’ll never follow through.

Hold on while I kick ’em to the curb. Again.

I will do this thing.

Seeing those words sitting there on the screen simply doesn’t convey how truly meaningful that are to me. Now, image those words being spoken with the emotion and emphatic exclamation akin to Vivien Leigh as Scarlet shaking her fist in the air and declaring,

“As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. “

I will learn ASL. I will. I will. (Insert fist pump here.)

Practice.

Makes.

Perfect.

Or as my darling husband reminds me, only Christ is perfect; practice makes proficiency.

Yes, Dear.

And thus dear readers,  practice I shall. Because life is just too short for doubts.

The world may love an underdog but at some point we all teeter on the brink of success and for some, I believe Divine, Bilblical, Good vs. Evil, reason the moment we cross that invisible line towards actually becoming something truly better than we are, the world suddenly rears it’s ugly head and works to pull us down.

Think me wrong?

Consider this. Why do people cheer you on to lose weight, congratulate you when you start to achieve that goal, and then suddenly start sabotaging you when you’re actually close to achieving your goal. They offer you inappropriate foods, declaring, “Oh you’re doing so well surely you can splurge now?” Or, “Aren’t you losing too much weight?”

What of the poor kid who started out building something unique in his basement, or worked two or more jobs to put himself through college, and then turned his invention or hard work into something that made him money, and now that he’s the rich guy, he’s the bad guy. I mean, really, at what point did he go from being the underdog to being the bad guy?

It’s an interesting question. And I’m sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have the answer. Are we simply competitive by nature and therefore truly can’t stand to see someone achieve where we have failed? Do we project our own sense of failure or inadequacies onto others and get our internal feathers ruffled when they prove not so inadequate after all? Must we hold them down to justify why we are not more….(insert adjective here.)

Again, I don’t know. But I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. So click on the comments below and tell me what you think. Really. Yes, I really mean it.

In the mean time, I’ll be over here in my corner with a book, practicing my fingerspelling.

S-E-E   S-P-O-T   R-U-N.

J-

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